Facing the end of life with someone you cared for is, without a doubt, the most difficult conversation you will ever have. It’s a moment that chills many to the bone.
You are likely to find yourself freezing, running out of words, or even worse, avoiding the conversation entirely.
Studies by Hospice Professionals show that dying parents want real, honest conversation, not awkward silence or forced cheer. The real question isn’t whether to speak, but how to find the words when your heart is breaking.
Watch Your Words: What NOT To Say To Someone Who Is Dying
You want to help, right? Be careful with the words you pick. Sometimes, you are coming with good intentions, but somehow, your emotional discomfort can make the words bad. Before you talk what does help, let’s look at words and phrases you should really avoid saying to someone who is dying:
- “Everything happens for a reason.” : This phrase can ignore the feeling of suffering and imply that death is part of life, in which you should accept.
- “You’ll beat this” or “Stay positive.” : If your loved one knows they are dying, giving false hope can feel like you are accepting their truth.
- “I know how you feel.” : You are dealing with a dying person, not someone who just failed an exam. That phrase can only make your loved one’s personal journey less important.
- “At least you had a good life.” : Phrases starting with “at least” often try to find a positive spin on someone else’s deep sorrow, which can be hurtful to their feelings.
- “Don’t cry” or “Be strong.” : Suppression or encouragement can only prevent genuine connection and invalidate one’s reality. Crying is a natural and healthy release. Asking your loved one to hold their tears during their difficult time is unfair.
Remember, these phrases can often close off communication when your loved one needs your open heart and real connection the most.
How To Have A Conversation With Someone Who Is Dying?
When you are ready to have those serious conversations with someone who is dying, it can be uncomfortable. But it’s about being present and open. To approach the conversation with someone who is dying you first make sure the atmosphere is calm, then you let them lead by asking open questions, you should use the SPIKES method, share your love, and validate their expressions and emotions. You can approach these talks in a simple and heartfelt way, here is a more detailed guide on how to approach the conversation with someone who is dying:
First, Set The Stage For True Conversation
First, set the atmosphere, providing a calm and/or private place where you won’t be interrupted. Sit comfortably next to your loved one, so you are at their eye level. It’s the best way to show respect and engagement. Next, put your phone away because undivided attention is where the conversation slowly happens. At that moment, your full presence is the key stage.
Secondly, Let Them Lead, You Listen
Begin by asking open questions that invite them to share what’s truly on their mind, such as …
“How are you truly feeling today?”
“What has been filling your thoughts lately?”
“Is there anything specific you’d like to talk about?”
Then, pay close attention to their cues. Some days, they will be ready to talk about death directly. Other days, they might want to reminisce about happy times. Both responses are right, and your job is to follow their lead.
Don’t Forget To Use The SPIKES Method
Healthcare professionals often use a tool called SPIKES for difficult conversations, and you can adapt it to help you communicate effectively with your loved one:
- S (Setting): Ensure you are in a comfortable place.
- P (Perception): Ask “What’s your understanding of what’s happening?” This helps you see things from their side.
- I (Invitation): Gently ask “Would you like to talk about what comes next?” This gives them control to decide if they are ready.
- K (Knowledge): Share any information they are asking for. You should provide clear and honest information. The information should not be too much, just the right amount.
- E (Emotions): Acknowledge and accept their feelings. Say things like, “It’s okay to feel that way,” or “I can see this is hard for you.”
- S (Strategy): Talk about their goals and wishes. What’s important to them in their remaining time?
By following these steps, you can create a space for true conversations that will be meaningful for both of you.
Meaningful Words For A Dying Loved One
What words to say to someone who is dying? Figuratively, you speak from the heart. Believe it or not, your words can give your loved one a personal comfort. It’s not about finding perfect phrases, but about opening your heart and sharing what truly matters. To create a deep connection, you can try some of these points.
Share Your Love Directly
Don’t hold back the feelings you have for them. These simple words can closely connect you:
- “I love you.” These three words are incredibly powerful. Say them often, clearly, and from your heart.
- “You’ve made such a difference in my life.” This affirms their impact and value, letting them know they mattered.
- “I’m so grateful for (a specific memory or how they influenced you).” be specific. This shows you cherish their presence and contributions.
Validate Their Experience And Emotions
It’s very important to show you understand what they are going through without trying to fix it. Let them know their feelings are completely valid:
- “This must be difficult for you.” This shows you see their struggle and acknowledge their pain without pushing for a solution.
- “It makes perfect sense to feel how you’re feeling.” Whatever emotions they’re experiencing, sadness, fear, peace, let them know it’s all okay.
“You’re handling this with such strength.” This recognizes their courage without pushing them to be brave if they don’t feel it.
Open The Memory Box
Inviting your loved one to revisit joyful memories can also be comforting. You can try these phrase:
- “Remember that time when we … ?” Encourage them to call happy experiences you both shared
- “You taught me a lot about …” Point out a specific lesson or piece of wisdom they passed on to you.
- “I will never forget when you …” Share particular memories that highlight the impact they’ve had on your life.
You Can Use These Words For Emotional Comfort
These words aim to ease their fears and make them feel secure:
“You don’t have to be afraid. I’ll be right here with you.”
“It’s okay to let go when you are ready.”
“You’ve lived a life full of love and meaning.”
“Your pain will end, but the love you’ve shared will last forever.”
For Spiritual Comfort
If you know their spiritual beliefs, these phrases can offer a sense of peace and connection:
“You are surrounded by love.”
“Peace will come to you.”
“You are not alone in this journey.”
For Their Legacy Comfort
It’s good to remind them of their impact and that their life will be remembered:
“You’ve changed this world for the better.”
“Part of you will always live on in the people you’ve touched.”
“Your story is precious, and I’ll make sure it’s told and remembered.”
Your genuine expressions of love and comfort can be a source of strength for your loved one during their final moments.
A New Beginning: Your Conversations Can Create A Living Tribute And Everlasting Legacy
Look, we all know this conversation isn’t easy. Nobody wants to think about saying goodbye to the people we love. But here’s the truth – death is inevitable, and we can’t control when it happens. The hard reality is that if you don’t plan ahead, our families will be left to figure out during the worst week of their lives.
We usually think of death as all about the ending, graves, urns, and finished stories. But what if you could shift that focus? What if the way you say goodbye could actually start something new? What if your precious final talks could “plant” the beginning of something living and growing?
Let’s talk about an idea that changes the way we leave the world. The truth about a meaningful final conversation is beyond the tombstone. Instead of saying goodbye to someone you loved dearly, you could help them become a beautiful, growing tree; Living Legacy Tree. This allows their legacy to flourish like a powerful symbol of life that continues, not just an ending.
Creating Living Conversations That Continue Forever
How can a living tree keep memories blooming? With Living Legacy Trees, your way of remembering someone special is not about placing flowers on a tombstone, but to create a living memorial. It’s a shifting point of view and a unique way to transform ashes into a growing tree that provides a beautiful place to visit and connect for generations.
Instead of a cold stone, your loved one’s memory helps plant a tree. This special tree, rooted in the earth, becomes a living monument. As it grows, it breathes new life and helps our planet.
Think about the comfort you could experience:
Finding peace under the blooming branches of your mother’s cherry blossom tree every spring … Seeing your father’s powerful oak tree reaching new heights year after year … and one day, you will be able to take your grandchildren to feel the beauty of your grandmother’s tree, sharing stories of her wisdom and kindness. This is a living way for their love to stay with you.
Mornington Green: Where Your Last Words Plant a Living Legacy
At Mornington Green Living Legacy Gardens, located just outside Melbourne, Australia (check maps here!), a former golf course has been beautifully transformed. Here, your final conversations plant literal seeds for the future.
How does it work? Instead of a traditional burial, you choose from over 20 different types of trees. Maybe a cherry blossom that blooms brightly on Mother’s Day, a golden wattle that lights up the winter, or a mighty oak that stands strong for hundreds of years. Each tree becomes a living place where your family can gather not just to remember a loss, but to celebrate, have picnics, and create happy memories. Explore types of trees you can become into here!
What makes Mornington Green different and special for your family:
- Your whole family can be added to the same tree over time.
- Your beloved pets are welcome.
- You can visit your family tree any day of the year.
- You get a special bronze plaque to remember your loved one.
- The cost starts from $7,000, which is much less than half the price of a traditional burial – $18,000 more.
Wellington Dam Living Legacy Forest, Western Australia
In Bunbury, Southwest Western Australia, Wellington Dam Living Legacy Forest is available for you. Here, families are honoring their loved ones by building native forests for endangered Quokkas and Black Cockatoos.
Stand Tall Among Giants In Wellington Dam Living Legacy Forest
You get to choose native trees like Jarrah, Blackbutt, Marri, or Eucalyptus. These giants can grow up to 30 to 75 meters tall and live for 300 to 500 years. This means your conversations with loved ones continue in a forest that will literally last for generations to come. Explore Wellington Dam Living Legacy Forest And Its Type Of Trees here!
The Wellington Dam Difference
What makes Wellington Dam truly special for you?
- Your tree is protected by a state government as a conservation agreement.
- You are creating a home for endangered mainland Quokkas.
- You will be planting native trees that are perfect for Australian weather.
- The forest is located right by a beautiful creek
- You can take guided tours with forest rangers and learn all about the habitat you are helping to create.
- You can start your legacy with packages from just $2,000.
The Science Of Living Legacy Trees
Did you know that human ashes are usually very acidic? It’s true! Like bleach, the untreated ashes are bad for plants. But the special four-step process of Living Legacy Trees changes them. It turns them into natural plant food, things like nitrogen, potassium, and other key minerals that literally feed the tree you choose.
So, when you water your Living Legacy memorial tree during the planting ceremony, you are doing more than just a simple ritual. You are completing a circle! Your loved one’s physical self becomes part of something new. It breathes, grows, and even creates oxygen for future generations. This is how their memory lives on.
From “Goodbye” to “Growing On”: How Your Talks Can Change Everything
The most powerful thing about Living Legacy Trees isn’t just about “growing”. It’s how they completely change those tough conversations you have with someone who is dying.
Instead of saying: “I’m afraid of losing you,” you can say: “You’ll be here in a different way, and I’ll visit you under your branches.”
Instead of saying: “I don’t know how to say goodbye,” you can say: “Let’s choose the tree you’ll become.”
Instead of saying: “I wish you could see your grandchildren grow up,” you can say: “Your tree will shade them for their entire lives.”
These simple shifts turn fear into comfort, and loss into a lasting presence for you and your family.
Taking The Fear Out Of Final Conversations With Living Legacy
The most powerful thing about Living Legacy Trees isn’t just about “growing”. It’s how they completely change those tough conversations you have with someone who is dying.
Instead of saying: “I’m afraid of losing you,” you can say: “You’ll be here in a different way, and I’ll visit you under your branches.”
Instead of saying: “I don’t know how to say goodbye,” you can say: “Let’s choose the tree you’ll become.”
Instead of saying: “I wish you could see your grandchildren grow up,” you can say: “Your tree will shade them for their entire lives.”
These simple shifts turn fear into comfort, and loss into a lasting presence for you and your family.
Don’t Wait! Start Your Living Legacy Conversation Today!
You don’t need to wait until someone is dying to discuss how they want to be remembered. 75% families/more than 1000 families in Melbourne and Western
Australia, have chosen Living Legacy Trees plan ahead. (Contact here!) They find a lot of peace in talking about their wishes when everyone is healthy and together.
So, why not open this conversation? You could say …
“I have been thinking about how I’d like to be remembered. I’d love to become a tree that gives back to the earth and makes a special place our family can enjoy for years to come. What kind of tree do you think would be a good fit for me?”
This simple question can open the door to a truly comforting and important discussion for you and your family.
Your Next Steps Into Living Legacy
For Mornington Green Living Legacy Gardens:
- Phone: (03) 9059-4959
- Address: 125 Tyabb-Tooradin Rd, Somerville, VIC
- Email: contact@morningtongreen.com.au
- Book a free consultation or garden tour
For Wellington Dam Living Legacy Forest:
- Phone: 0427 096 944
- Contact: Peta Bilston, Chief Forest Officer
- Email: cfo@legacyforest.org.au
- Book your Wellington Dam forest tour
In nature, death isn’t really the end. It’s simply a new beginning. Don’t put off these important talks. Start today and pick your tree. Your Living Legacy awaits.
Download our free brochure to learn more about tree options and begin planning the most meaningful conversation of your lifetime.
